Bored? Here’s a fun brainteaser: try to think of ways to end “I’m not racist, BUT” that are genuinely not racist.
- I’m not racist but I own erasers and the word sounds kind of similar
- I’m not racist but it’s probably still a good idea to monitor my speech and actions so that I don’t unknowingly do something offensive
- I’m not racist but *unhinges jaw* *swarms of locusts fly out*
Whoops, actually that’s it. Those are the only three.
You know the way mental illness works in movies, where instead of showing the symptoms of a genuine psychological disorder, “crazy” people just speak in obscure references and snatches of nursery rhymes that secretly function as these convoluted riddles just waiting to be decoded if you just squint, tilt your head to one side, and torture the hell out of your logic?
That is how my dad is with pop culture.
Dad: Hey, so you know that new movie with the guy from Newsies—
Brother: Oh man, that is the best way to refer to Christian Bale I’ve ever heard.
Me: To be fair, who else from Newsies would he mean?
(There is a brief interlude where we remember that the villain in Newsies is actually played by Robert Duval.)
Brother: “Featuring Robert Duval (Newsies)”
Dad: —Yeah, Christian Bale, and Superman’s brother.
(And here is where things take a real turn for the movie-crazy).
Guys, Halloween at work:
50s girl or Harry Potter student?
Why choose? Hogwarts was open in the 50’s…
This is Princess Dead Pool. My 3 year old told me EXACTLY how she wanted the costume to look and walked me through the entire thing, bossing me around. It was so much fun.
OMGOMGOMG LOOK AT THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS
May we all someday be as cool as this three year old. SOMEDAY, FRIENDS. SOMEDAY.
the 40’s and 50’s had a really cute aesthetic however the dark underside of over patriotism, greed, racism and sexism make me content to simply steal the dress patterns and be glad I’m not living during the time period.
A new "Beyond Belief" comprises the latest episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour, and you should listen to it. Not only do you get these two sexy drinks, you also get Ira Glass as a singing elf.
Photo: Allan Amato
TRY TO IMAGINE THE SOUNDS I’M MAKING RIGHT NOW
NOPE, YOU’RE WRONG
Obama wakes the day that ObamaCare begins and finds that the sun has been replaced with a gif of a cat eating a strawberry.
"Really wish I didn’t put my name on this one" he thinks to himself.
|—||Cyanide and Happiness’ Rob DenBleyker on tonight’s shut down of the U.S. Government. (via cognitivedissonance)|